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The Pinkhasov Edition
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לעילוי נשמת
מורי ורבי הרב הגאון הרב אהרן בן הרב משה יואל
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Living with Lavan
In this week’s parashah, Parshas Vayeitzi, we are informed regarding Yaakov Avinu's marriages and everyday life activities. We also learn how he manages to live with Lavan as both his boss and father-in-law for an extended period. In Hebrew, there is an expression ‘Parti Leriosa,' which is based on a Gemara. Being That Lavan was both the boss and father in law was difficult for Yaakov. The stress that Yaakov had to live with daily was enormous. Chazal says that with all that, Lavan Hoarami was the biggest liar. This characteristic was even evident with Lavan's name, which means white, but really, he was dark. There was nothing that he ever did or said that had anything to do with the truth. Lavan was the essence of a liar. Yaakov lived with his father-in-law and boss, and he continually deceives him to the extent that Lavan grants him the wrong daughter to marry.
Interestingly, the Sephardim have a Minhag where they make an exciting shrill by their chasunah – lelelele. The Medrash states that this comes from Yaakov's wedding where the people were screaming Leah.
Yaakovs Reaction to Lavans Cheat
Let us see how Yaakov dealt with this.
The Torah says ‘Vayehi Baboker Vehinei Hee Leah Vayomer Lovon Ma Zos Asisa Li…’ Lavan answered, ‘Here we do not give the young girl before the old girl.' However, the agreement before the wedding was not so.
My Zeidy used to explain this posuk: Yaakov was telling Lavan ‘how could you lie to me,' and Lavan answered, ‘we never tell the truth around here.' This answer does not address the question above but is a nice explanation in the pasuk. After this Yaakov just accepts this.
However, we want to know if Yaakov got angry or not, but this depends on the tone of voice the question was asked. Yaakov could have said it calmly or in an angry tone. Similar to the story told of a student in yeshivah who needed a new pair of pants. The son sent a letter to his father written ' Tatte, need money, send clothing". When the father opened the letter, he read 'need money, send clothing.' he got furious at his son's disrespect. When the boy's mother came along, she suggested it was read wrong. Changing the tone of voice when reading the letter makes it sound pleading rather than demanding, and in an asking tone, it reads less disrespectful. We know that the word vayomer is not a term of harsh words. However, it is not clear in the posuk how heated the conversation was. Later on, there is another exchange with Yaakov and Lavan, and there it says vayichar. This word was used when Yaakov left Lavan without prior warning when he was annoyed with Lavan. Therefore, it seems that, now where Lavan tricked Yaakov, he did not get angry; otherwise, the posuk would have used a harsher word.
Everything Is from Hashem
Another question can be asked, why did Yaakov accept what happened with his marriage? He could have gotten angry at Rochel for giving over the signs or at Leah, saying ‘you are not my bride.' Where does it say he got angry; Yaakov could have gone to the beis din to sort it this out!? The answer is as follows. The Avos lived in a way that whatever Hashem did was for the best. They accept and do not ask questions. Everything Hashem does is for the best. When a person lives their life in this way, then they do not ever get angry. The middah of anger is triggered when things do not go how the person wants them to go, ‘when I do not get my way.' But really, there is no such thing. The Avos lived their life that its Hashem’s way or there is no way. When a person has no YirasShomayim, he gets angry, but there is no room for that with Emunah. Yaakov did not become angry at Lavan, Rochel, or Leah.
Why then does Yaakov get angry later on when he leaves Lavan's house? The Ohr HaChaim Hakodosh writes ‘Vayichal Yaakov Vayorev BeLavan.' Yaakov only started fighting since he got angry. Fighting is a result of getting angry. The Ohr HaChaim then asked, why does it have to say Vayorev BeLavan? We know it was Lavan; it seems like an extra word? The Ohr HaChaim gives two possible answers. Vayorev, till now he was friendly with Lavan, now Yaakovs is acting a little harsher, but most people will still consider Yaakov's behavior friendly. Nevertheless, since Yaakov was a tzadik, it was called fighting. Often you hear people scream, so ask them, ‘why are you screaming?’ so they say answer ‘I am just talking.' Same here. In yeshiva, we are taught that the Avos' sins can be compared to the mitzvahs we do. The second explanation is that this was a rebuke to Lavan rather than an angry reaction from Yaakov. Yaakov did not lose himself and yell; in