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PARASHAS VAYEIRA - Ahavas and Kovod Ha'Brios



Parashas Vayerah talks about the hachnasas orchim of Avraham Avinu and his mesirus nefesh after his bris milla.

The posuk depicting the way Avraham invites in the guests recounts, 'Vayorotz Likrosom Mipesach Ho'ohel, Vayishtachu Artzo, Vayomar, Adonoy Im Na Motzosi Chein Be'eiynecho…' Rashi explains that he was addressing the eldest amongst them and gives them the title of adnus, royalty, to invite them in, his manner suggesting that he is their servant. He may have known that they were malochim, but regardless, we find the degree of the middoh of humility demonstrated here by Avraham Avinu beyond the expected standard. It's excessive. We even know that they are suspected of serving avoda zara since later, Avraham gives them water to wash their feet. In that case, what is the pshat of this posuk?

There is something called Ahavas Habrios and Kovod Habrios. We are very distant from knowing the true meaning of respecting others. The Mishna in Avos appeals to everyone to be like the talmidim of Aharon. The criterion of this is to be oheiv es habrios, to love people. The word brios refers to all creations, not specifically yidden. The Be'ur Hagra says on the Mishna of ‘Ve'ohavto Lerei'acho Komocho’ that it's obvious that this mitzva refers to the yidden. Therefore, he learns from here that ‘oheiv es habrios’ should also refer to the yidden.

Avraham Avinu is the quintessential example of chessed and ahavas habrios. Sedom, the nation that is also mentioned in this week’s parasha, is the exact opposite. What can we attribute this difference to? What produces an Avraham Avinu and what produces a Sedom? Avraham accepted his guests with humility, respect, and dignity. Avraham was mechadeish the idea of escorting people home. Hachansas orchim is not only about inviting your guest inside and giving them food and drink, but also escorting them out the door. The Rambam even goes so far as to say that escorting a guest is the greatest cheilek in the mitzva of hachnasas orchim.

There is a story about a home that hosted many people. This home burnt down, and people asked why this house burnt down if it was used for so much chessed?

In the home of Avraham, there was achila, eating; shtia, drinking; and levia, escorting the people out of the tent. The house in our story only provided Achila and Shtia—spelling AISH, fire. If one only does two out of the three stages, that provokes fire. How could there be such a punishment after one takes care of people, providing food and drink, and merely does not escort them out of his house? Eating and drinking are about fulfilling a person's physical needs. Escorting someone goes beyond the physical, it’s about giving them respect, making them feel good. It indicates the derech eretz that one feels for that person. Avraham really respected the people who come to his tent: he bowed to them and called himself an eved. He gave them extra respect so that they would not feel inferior because they needed to be fed. It may seem excessive, but this way, his guests really felt good about themselves.


However, the people that Avraham invited in purportedly served avada zara. Was Avraham even allowed to speak to such people with this degree of respect, referring to one of them as ‘my master’? R’ Ovadia Yosef has an answer to this question in one of his teshuva sefarim, saying that before mattan Torah, there was no problem showing lavish expressions of respect to idol worshippers.

Avimelech committed a grave sin when he took Sara away. After he was punished, Avraham davened for him to be healed. The sefarim say that one may not daven for someone who sins, so why did Avraham daven for Avimelech? Hashem told Avimelech that Avraham would daven for him to make him better. When Avraham did indeed daven and Avimelech was healed, it showed Hashem's greatness, creating a Kiddush Hashem. Therefore, it was permitted.


Later in the parasha, we see that Avraham davened for Sedom. How could that be? Can one imagine davening for the Nazis, yemachshemam? The Ramban says that Hashem told Avraham to daven so that generations later, people wouldn't blame Avraham for not caring because he never davened for the people. Thus, his davening would prevent a Chilul Hashem.

The Balei HaTosfos seem to say differently. There was a problem for Avraham to daven alone at night ('Lo Yetzeh Yechidi Balaylo'), but you could argue that Avraham was a shliach mitzva, so this issue would not apply. However, from the fact that Avraham davened in the morning, we learn that he was not called a shliach mitzva, since Hashem did not want Avraham to daven 'rina utefila'. The loshon ‘rina’ could mean that Hashem wanted him to try and daven, but He knew that the tefilos wouldn't help.

From this instance, we can derive the rule that a yid should not daven for a goy unless it will prevent a fight, make a Kiddush Hashem, or cause the goy to do teshuva.


Shlomo Hamelech requested that all the nations be able to come and daven in the Beis Hamikdash. This shows that the goyim deserve tefila. In that case, what is the difference between a goy davening for himself and a yid davening for a goy? In the Sefer Habris, written by a talmid chochom in Vilna, there's a chiddush that ‘Ve'ohavto Lerei'acho Komocho’ also applies to a goy: Usually, the Gemara specifies when a mitzva is only relevant for yidden, achicho ve'lo akum. Here, the Gemara does not expressly exclude this rule applying to a goy.

R’ Chaim Vital in Sharei Kedusha also says that ‘oheiv es habrios’ means to love even goyim. The Gemara says, ‘A person has to be kind, soft, and in peace with his brothers, relatives, and with every person, even the goy in the market.’ This shows that ‘Ve'ohavto Lerei'acho Komocho’ applies even to a goy. Many Rabbanim exemplified this posuk.


In the Sefer Migdal Oiz, it says clearly that the mitzva ‘Ve'ohavto Lerei'acho Komocho’ is only for a yid. But it also says that, notwithstanding the chiyuv of the mitzva, a person is only complete and healthy when they feel honest love for every person: if you don’t really love every person, you cannot properly love a yid. He continues by saying that we should love even those who serve avoda zara—hating their actions but loving them, even davening for them that Hashem should show them the right way.

As one goes through the parasha, you can see the mindset of Avraham Avinu: chessed, ahavas habrios, kovod habrios and hachno'o. He thoroughly respected others because he knew that’s what was needed.

In the sefarim of the Chafetz Chaim, it does not say that the issur of loshon hora applies to goyim. However, in the Misrash Rabba on Devarim it says that one may not speak loshon hora about goyim since it will cause you to speak ill about yidden as well. It may be because the habit will stick, or because it will cause a more negative outlook in life.

When President John F. Kennedy died, the yidden were unsure of how to react to his death. At the time, R’ Yaakov told the olom that one should show feelings of pain and mourning in order not to train oneself to be an achzor.

We are trained to feel that we are brothers in Klal Yisroel, but what about for the outside world, the goyim? The Tomer Devora says kovod habrios is for all the brios, even the reshoim. We must view each other as brothers until we get into the habit of loving all people. The end result is that a person who does this will be healed from gaivoh and enter the gates of humility. Lack of kovod habrios comes from gaivoh. Avraham calls himself an eved to the Yishma'eylim. He said when davening for Sedom, ‘Ve'anoychi Ofor Va'eyfer.’ He was sincerely humble and therefore had love and kovod for all brios—even those who were against him.

What was the sin of Sedom, what was their middoh? In Yechezkel, it says that their sin was gaivoh. They had lots of money and were haughty; they never cared for people.

My Zeida posed a question: Three malochim came to visit Avraham, each with their own mission. Gavriel's mission was to destroy Sedom. Why did he stop at Avraham’s house and not go straight to Sedom?

Hashem was showing the malochim that the corrupt way of life in Sedom was not the norm for society. After seeing the potential of humankind in the ideal chessed reality at Avraham's house, Gavriel could go and destroy Sedom. Avraham and Sedom are two polar opposites: hochno'a versus gaivoh.

The more humility a person has, the more they love people; the more kovod and ahavas habrios they feel, the more complete they are as a person.


"I will take a morsel of bread that you may sustain yourself and approvals you

may be on your way" (Bereishis 18:5)

My Grandfather Zt”l asked is this proper etiquette and hospitality to offer someone "to eat and go". For someone like Avraham Avinu who was credited and famed for his great "Hachnasas Orchim" this statement sounds quite cold and uninviting. If someone wants to extend a true invitation, he usually requests that one stay and eat, relaxed, taking all the time he needs, and wants. One does not say you eat and then leave and expect anyone to take up the invitation.

My Grandfather Zt”L answered that quite the contrary this statement was actually a result of Avraham Avinu ------ great Hachnasas Orchim. For sometimes it is the Oreach — guest who is in a hurry and needs to leave quickly to be on his way and it is the Bal Habayis — who is looking for company or at least the courtesy and Hakaras HaTov of his guest to stay a while and converse with Him. If one just comes eat and leaves the Bal Habayis may feel "used" as if to say I only needed you to eat, your company means nothing to me and that's why I left right after I finished eating. A true Machnis Oreach one who truly and selflessly invites Oreach for their sake and wellbeing forgoes all the courtesies involved and is not waiting for the proper Hakaras HaTov alluded to him. Rather he thinks and contemplated only on the needs and necessities of the °reach thus Avraham Avinu was the master Machnis Oreach extended his invitation with the notification that if it pleases then and is of their need to just eat and go they are free to do so Avraham Avinu understood that people who are passing and are invited to eat maybe en route somewhere and are -- - and need to get there and

therefore, there maybe no time or convenience to "spend time" schmoozing and showing proper etiquette.

One must learn to invite guests for their sake not for themselves. Many have a liking to have guests for it is in the spirit and style of the Shabbos table and thought this is somewhat recommendable it is still a far cry from true Hachnasas Orchim for your invitation is to please you more than it is to please them. One should invite guests to please and benefit the guests. Remember guests are not Noy Hashuichan.... ornament to decorate and enhance your Shabbos table like noy sukha are meant to enhance the sukah.....

My Grandfather zt”l who was called the "Gaon in chesed" mastered and practiced the above concept completely. His Hachnasas Orchim was legendary. He would put all his mind an