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PARASHAS VAYISHLACH - The Jewish Heart.







LOWINGER FAMILY EDITION


Esav Hates Yaakov

In this week’s parashah, Parashas Vayishlach, it talks about the confrontation of Yaakov with Eisav. The issues they were dealing with were old issues of the past: Hatred which began when Yaakov took the bechoro. Since then, Eisav hated Yaakov. Through the many years, this hatred did not go away. Yaakov is now afraid that if they see each other, the hatred will renew itself to the point that Eisav would be ready to kill him and his entire family.


The posuk says that the messengers that Yaakov sent came back with a message saying, ‘Bonu El Ochicho El Eisav Vegam Holeich Likros'cho Ve'arba Me'os Ish Imo.’ Eisav is not just coming to confront and argue; rather, he is coming to war with an entire army to fight against you! Usually, war is between two nations. Here, Yaakov did not even want to fight; he sent presents, and yet Eisav came with an army that was prepared to kill!


Rashi says ‘Bonu El Ochicho El Eisav, Shehoyiso Omer Ochi Hu.’ You had an illusion that maybe he would treat you as a brother; rather, he is still entrenched in his hatred. The explanation in the Rashi can be that brothers can fight and get angry with each other for many years, but at some point, it starts to dissipate. However, Eisav was still steadfast in his original hatred. From here, we see the halacha that ‘Eisav Soneh LeYaakov.’ A brother is not supposed to hate eternally, yet here, Eisav hates forever. What is the meaning of this? Eisav did not even want the bechoro, he wanted to get rid of it anyway. So, the fight is actually moot! The psukim say that Eisav was very successful, and there was no way for him to know that Yaakov was successful as well. This is proved from Eisav's question when he asks Yaakov clearly, ‘Mee Eleh Loch?’ Who are all these people? Before Eisav came, he had no idea that Yaakov had riches and a large family; he thought he would be sitting all alone learning. Why then did Eisav, who had a lot of power and walked around with Nimrod's clothing, care about Yaakov? Yaakov sent Eisav a message saying that the berochos did not take affectand gave him presents that proved this (animals instead of produce, to show that his success had nothing to do with the berocho of "Mi'tal Hashomoyim Umeshmaney Ha'aretz").


However, if Eisav sees that the bechoro was irrelevant, he had all the gashmiyus he wanted, and the berochos were not even miskayim. In that case, what were they fighting about? A simple answer can be that they were, in fact, fighting about nothing. That is what most fights are usually about. When people come to me with fights, I tell them to write down all their complaints on a piece of paper. Usually, the paper comes back blank.

It could also be that this is simply halacha, this is the way Hashem wanted the world to be. The reason Eisav and Yaakov could not get along together was so that Yaakov should not want to become partners and join together. That could easily have happened throughout the generations. This way, we stay isolated and the Goyim hate us. Less of a risk of intermarriage…


The Meforshim ask what does it mean that this is halacha?Halachas are dinnim and mishpotim, so what does it mean that it is a halacha that Eisav Soneh LeYaakov? Another meaning of halacha, apart from a din, is a 'way of life,' a fact of life. Other Rishonim explain that when one is in doubt and does not know how to act towards a Goy, act according to the principle that Eisav hates Yaakov. However, what is the root cause of this precept? It has to do with the jealousy of the berochos. What was Eisav jealous of with the berochos? The answer is the difference between a Jew and a Goy: Yaakov thinks 'Achi,' Eisav is my brother and will let go of any former animosity. But Eisav was still saturated with his hatred. The cause for this conflict is that Yaakov is a Jew and Eisav is a Goy.


Reuven’s Character Is an Exemplar Of A Jew

The above is found in Rashi. Reuven, the first of the shevatim, is called so because ‘Ki Ro’o Hashem Be'onyi’Hashem saw my pain. We know that there was another reason he was called Reuven: ‘Reu Ma Bein Bni Li'ven Chomi,’ look at the difference between my son Reuven and my father-in-law's son. Eisav hated Yaakov until the end because of the bechoro that he gave away, whereas Reuven loses the bechoro to Yosef, and even so, he goes to protect Yosef. Leah is saying that there is a basic divide between an Eisav and a Reuven.


The posuk says the reason for Reuven's name is ‘Ki Ro’o Hashem Beonyi,’ so why would Chazal come and give a different reason? Which one is the reason for the name Reuven? The Gr"a says that most of the Shevatim were named because of cause and effect, ‘Al Kein Kara.’ In Reuven's case, it was the other way around: first the effect, then the reason. This is because the posuk is hinting to look in Chazal for another explanation. From here, we can see the beauty of the words in the posuk. Why then does the Torah not just say the reason clearly? What is the secret? There are two explanations. Firstly, the Gemara's reason relates to the future that there will be MechirasYosef, so it is in a remez. Another pshat is as follows: Leah uses the word Chomi, blaming the father-in-law. This is very common in marriage. People often blame the other side. Here, Leah is putting Yitzchak into the picture. It is an embarrassing and private issue, so when people asked her why she named her child Reuven, she said the other reason.


The Importance Of Respecting You Wife

I would say a different Explanation. Reu can mean 'see' in the past or the future. Leah was suffering, she was supposed to marry Eisav and she ended up in the house of Yaakov by trickery because she refused to have children from Eisav. Both reasons are different aspects of the same issue: 'Hashem saw my suffering’ that I did not want Eisav, and, ‘Look what will happen with Eisav who I could have married, and look what will happen with my son.' And for this, I sacrificed my happiness, that I would always be the second wife. Yaakov did not hate Leah, but she was wife number two and as a wife, she feels hated. This is a lesson that a man must make sure his wife knows that she is his Number One: the best cook, the prettiest, etc.…


I know a personal story about R’ Shmuel Kaminetsky. R’ Shmuel was once at a convention and wanted to relay a message to his wife, so he asked someone, ‘Please call my wife from the lady’s section.' The man replied, ‘How will I know who your wife is?’ He answered, ‘She is the smartest, prettiest, and the best woman on the other side of the mechitzah.’

When Rochel asks Leah for the dudoyim, Leah gives her a tongue-lashing, saying, ‘Bad enough you took my husband, now you want to take the flowers of my son?!’ Rochel could have said, ‘Who took whose husband?’ Meforshim say that this was the greatness of the way Rochel gave Leah her husband. Rochel never gave Leah the feeling that she was the second choice. She almost believed that she was wife number one. Rochel never let Leah find out the truth!


I heard from the Rosh Yeshiva R’ Moshe Feinstein Zatzal a beautiful vort. When Rochel was niftar, Yaakov took the bed and gave it to the shifcha of Rochel. This upset Reuven, since at least if Rochel was not around anymore, Leah should be the number-one wife, not a shifcha. Reuven was punished for this. Was he not correct? Wasn't it a bizoyon for Leah in a way? Why did Yaakov do this? If Yaakov had given the bed to Leah, he would have been making a statement that Leah had been wife number two, and now that Rochel was niftar, she was becoming wife number one. This way, by putting the bed in the shifcha's tent, Yaakov is conveying the message that Rochel and Leah were always equal. Reuven's mistake was that he did not fully understand Yaakov's reasoning and questioned daas Torah: Yaakov was honoring Leah, not causing a bizoyon. This illustrates the importance of not questioning what the Rabbonim say. Leah was not second-best but always felt she was in her life. And for her, this was a big sacrifice because she left Eisav and assumed this position of second-best in order to show the world ('Reu') the difference between Eisav and Yaakov's son. From this, we can understand Chazal's complementary explanation for the posuk.


Eisav had no use for the bechoro,